I’ve got something embarrassing to talk about. It’s something so shameful to me that I don’t even want to tell you.
But before I divulge what it is… let’s talk about shame for a minute.
Shame is an emotion all too prevalent in our society. We shame our friends, family and complete strangers on the daily. But most of all we shame ourselves.
Shame is ancient. It was a tactic used to secure the tribe. It was used to deter members from stepping out of line and putting the entire tribe at risk.
But now, shame is just a tool we have learned to keep ourselves down when we are afraid that we’re not good enough. It’s the unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations on who we’re supposed to be (ah, perfect, right?). Shame is the inherent reaction of the thought, “I am a failure”.
And right now, I feel like a bit of a failure. I don’t feel like a good dog mom.
My nasty little secret is this… we have fleas. FLEAS! And not just one or two, we’re in like stage two (yeah I made that up) of full-on infested.
And I am not okay telling you that. I was afraid that you wouldn’t like me if I told you that I was struggling with this. I’m a holistic dog blogger for crying out loud! I should have all the answers or else I’m not credible. Maybe everyone will see me as a fraud and think “why I am qualified to teach people”?
I struggled with telling you this, but then I had the lightning bolt thought… I bet you’ve had fleas too! And I bet that you’ve felt the super-shame to be the dog mom whose dog has fleas. Like your family has bad hygiene or that you neglect your dogs, or some other fear based reaction to that you’re not good enough.
But I’m here to tell you how normal fleas are, and that you are doing the best you can. You wouldn’t be reading this email if you weren’t.
So what I set out to do, so you wouldn’t have to, was to find a way to banish easily and naturally in one fell swoop- and also give you a few tips on dealing with dog mom self-shame.
If you don’t have shame surround your dog- OMG I WANT TO BE YOU. Please email me your tips and tactics on how you find balance. (Sometimes dog mom guilt gets the best of me). Also, skip this section and head down to the end to get the flea tips.
3 ways to deal with dog mom self-shame:
1) Become aware: Being aware of your body when you are experiencing shame is the first step. Check your physical reactions and learn what they are when you feel shame. We tend to have knee jerk reactions to dealing with those uncomfortable feelings. We withdraw, people please, or shame others with a one-up mentality. Once you can identify your reaction, it’s much easier to pause, reflect and make an action plan against those behaviors that would ultimately bring you more guilt.
2) Become vulnerable: Sharing of guilt can be the best way to overcome it. When you realize you’re not alone, you begin to normalize a bit. (The point of this email is two fold: sharing to not feel my shame, but also sharing so you don’t feel shame either.) The only way you can muster up the courage and share shame.. is to become vulnerable. Can you see how the words courage and vulnerability are one in the same? Yeah, now we’re getting somewhere!
3) Build compassion for you: We have all the patience in the world for others, but when it comes to ourselves, we’re just way too hard on us. When we start learning to treat ourselves with the love and respect in the way that we treat other people, being vulnerable starts to become a lot more easy. When you are aware of your thoughts and feelings, try talking to yourself as you would a young kid or your partner. You wouldn’t berate them… so why do it to yourself?
Trying to get rid of fleas? Click here for the Ultimate Guide to Getting Rid of Fleas Naturally